repost

Peace of mind is found only in the present, when you exist squarely in the moment, neither re-living the past nor anticipating the future. It amazes me what a deep sense of equanimity I can feel doing something ordinary like washing dishes, wiping a table clean, or sweeping a floor, so long as I am focused on it 100%, not wishing I was somewhere else. A quietness of mind, feeling neither elation nor heavyheartedness. Just being. Mind like a glass lake.
Times like those, when I’m cleaning a dish, only the dish and I exist. My purpose is clear and the only important thing is to get that dish sparkling.
That’s why I believe that ordinary things can be a sort of spiritual practice. Repetitive activities can be meditative in a way, or at the very least, reflective of how much noise there is in your head. Simple activities can be the most difficult to do properly. If you can’t clean a dish properly, chances are, your mind needs a bit of cleaning as well.
What with all the distraction around us nowadays, how often do we really engage fully in the present? When are we not thinking about the latest Facebook status update we saw, or the last video we watched on Youtube, or the last phone conversation we had? Mentally, it’s as if we want to be anywhere other than where we really are.
I’m grateful for the mundane tasks that my job presents me with, tasks that put me on firm ground, and remind me that the present, though not necessarily as exciting as what’s trending on Twitter, is the only real thing I have and something I often take for granted.

--taken from ala paredes' tumblr: http://alas-dos.tumblr.com/post/8147045232/peace-of-mind-is-found-only-in-the-present-when
 
i don't know how to cite blog references. hehe. i reposted this simply because...this is just what i wanted to say. i just couldn't put it in words as elegant and at the same time simple and comprehensible as these. marami pa kong kakaining bigas. haha. so...this is why i love washing the dishes.

maibabalik ba ang kahapon? oo, kung sinulat mo.

went home last sunday. plan a was to go back by tuesday. however, due to the weather and because i don't want to, plan a did not work. plan b was to spend tuesday and today researching for my long delayed thesis. it didn't work either. instead, what happened was i journeyed down memory lane ( i can't think of a sentence less cliche-ish than that). i read my previous journals, my previous blog, and the blogs that i previously follwed. the experience...

1 - made me miss the rants i made about my course, my subjects, my professors, my lab reports, my papers, and even my crushes. haha. every student who owns a blog has (even at least one) a post dedicated to the stress school brings. anyway, here goes the unbelievable- i missed those rants because i miss school! not that i am not anymore in school..it's just that nowadays, i am not anymore a normal student. not having much to do is quite..i don't like it. akalain mo yun.
2 - is where the dream bug came from. it escaped from the dream-filled pages of my troubled teenage days and bit me again, thankfully.
3 - made me realize that nothing is impossible. more like remember, actually. during those days, i never thought i would survive.that's why i ranted with all the ranting capacity and passion that i have. but lookey here. despite all my wishes to become a bubble and disappear, i am still here, alive and breathing baby. i managed to get through. plus, there were also a lot of surprises which i met along the way. the hand that held me then is still holding me. the power that helped me find my way then is still working. even more so now, i dare say. hence, if i succeeded then, i will succeed now. this has been a prevailing theme. the more i repeat it, the more i understand it.
4 - gave me the push i need to jump and start another adventure.

it's good to hear from ala again. she is the ultimate source of this blog and alaism was my previous religion. haha.

bite me

i was stuck for some time there. when i was in highschool, all i ever dreamed of was to study in UP. it was my end all and be all. then i got it. the moment i stepped in UP's grounds, oh what joy, dreams do come true. the thing was, i forgot to dream a new dream. so technically speaking, i was dreamless the whole time i was there. what am i saying? im still there. haha. i became soooo contented that i forgot that i have the rest of my life to plan for. and so i had no plans after UP. and so i did not go anywhere. and so i am still in UP. today, however, is different. the dream bug is back. all those failures make me wanna dream again. oh yeah. but this time, maybe i should extend it to like a ten-year plan (nagffeeling from prada to nada. haha). how i missed this feeling :)

distuuuuurbing

watched two movies yesterday: 300, which was gory as expected and love exposure, a japanese movie with a seemingly innocent and cute title but turned out to be unexpectedly disturbing. the story revolved around religion, love, family, lust, and a lot of abnormal psychology. it was four hours long! actually, na-cut na daw ng producer yun. six hours yung original. san ka pa? yesterday, i was convinced that it was a japanese indie movie. apparently, it was not. it ran on mainstream and whats more is that it actually won awards! oh well, taka pa ko. as if naman bago sakin ang disturbing themes nila. last time i watched, about incest naman. tinapos ko lang para kay jun matsumoto. haha. pero nakakashock parin to. this has been the most disturbing so far. obvious bang nabother ako? how many times did i write disturbing?

if these are the kind of movie that japanese people watch, then i wont anymore question why suicide is a normal thing to them. so okay, most filipino movies are not that thought provoking. you can easily predict whats gonna happen next and whos gonna end up with who. but at least they reflect who we are- happy people. haha. plus, our movies are maturing naman. so all is good :)

ps. in fairess to the actors, theyre good.

wingardium leviosa

just watched harry potter 7.2 with moi familia. harry's adventures finally ended. i hate endings. grr. specially this one. i don't want harry potter to end! i grew up with harry potter. he went to hogwarts at around the same time i entered high school.and somehow, he became a huge part of me. scrap somehow. his adventures became my adventures. to most of my schoolmates, waiting for the school service equates to exchanging the latest gossips. to me, it equates to extra time in the library. thanks to harry, people actually thought i'm studious. my allowance mostly went to the library, as penalty for books returned late. guess what book. haha. i can read harry potter over and over and over and over again that i now consider it one of my special abilities. i dreamed of writing my own novel. i actually started writing/imagining some. who else will i get my inspiration from? the first time i stayed up late was again because of mr. potter. the christmas gift i treasure the most is from my parents, a hardbound copy of harry potter and the sorcerer's stone. i loved being called hermoine even though its because of the bushy hair and not the intelligence. i never missed a harry potter movie. no matter what the reviews say, i loved each and every one of them. and take note, not because of daniel radcliffe. i cried when sirius black died. i cried when dumbledore died. i think i cried every time harry cried. i felt it all, his happiness, his fear, his courage. i was so there that i can pass as their fourth member. ron, hermoine, harry and me. great! i don't want to end up with harry though. harry-ginny pairing is fine with me.

i've tried to think of words to describe how i feel now that it's finally over. but there's just one. i'm sad. don't get me wrong, the movie was good. it's just that there will be no more harry potter 8. i would just have to settle with tales of beatle the bard if i want to get more of JK Rowling. but then i would also finish reading that and then there'd be none. it's the closure that makes me sad. but now that i think about it, it's not about harry's closure. he would always be there. i have the whole collection! except for book 2 that is. it's about my closure. little by little, things that marked my childhood/teenage years/phase-in-everybody's-life-where-they-can-act-irresponsibly are fading away.and as they do, my eyes are being opened to the fact that whether i like it or not, i can't stay in that moment. i am trying hard to shut my eyes again. i don't want to see the reality. but they won't.

now, everything that i do has consequences. i can't anymore afford to be irresponsible because things rebound not only to me but also to the people around me. before i just rely on people. but now they rely on me. i have to make decisions. i don't anymore have any excuse not to. before i was excited to grow old, wanting to take hold of my freedom. now that i have it, i want to return it. even writing about all these is a waste of time because i know, it won't happen. oh well, just trying. some creature from wansapanataym might appear :)) so, this is how it feels to grow old. but still, this is good. it just means that whatever happens, good or bad, will all pass. bad times won't stay, so as good times. might as well move on from the bad times quickly and enjoy the good times to the best that you can. one day, i would be blogging about how sad i am for another closure. so for now, i would grasp whatever is present with both hands as long as i can.

when i was in high school, all i did was complain. i had various of reasons then. my grades, my projects, my friends, my crushes. hahaha. but i got through. at present the reasons have evolved to my thesis, my graduation, my board exam, my career, my future. i will get through. i think that's what's always meant to happen, for us to conquer. so no more complaining, no more discouragements. i would also hold the bad experiences with both hands. they would also have their closures. i might miss them too. and crazy as it may sound now, i might even wish to return to this moment when i'm faced with kids and kids complaining about their own thesis.

going back, i'll miss harry. and everybody else in hogwarts. it was one awesome adventure.

you might need it too

i just found out what i really need to have in my life, aside from Jesus that is. a SYSTEM. yes, i am very much in need of order from my room to my schedule to my priorities. it's always so easy for me to change my itinerary because in the first place, i don't have one. then i end up not appearing in the place where i am supposed to be because i am someplace else, someplace where i'm not really needed. hehe. same goes with my priorities. this is the first thing you'll read in most books but it took 3 days and 2 nights for me to learn it. things that an encounter do to you :)

i was head of the food committee for the first time. i was a junior last encounter but my record wasn't so good. i'm not really sure what went in the minds of my leaders but somehow, they gave this task to me. divine intervention maybe. friday night was horrible. there were a lot of things overlooked like packed dinners and dish washing liquid. and people had to go running to and fro the supermarket to go get 'em. the center was jampacked with 107 participants with 7 workers serving them. much to my frustration, many went unfed. can't help but think that if there were more of us, if the place was more organized, they wouldn't have to go through the sessions hungry. no excellence at all! also, because of some misunderstanding, i was made a room guide which was hard because the "room" was somewhere far. okay, it wasn't that far. but the thing is, i had to be back in the center early in the morning which is hard to do when you are someplace else waiting for four girls to finish their routine. i was agitated the whole time i was waiting.saturday morning turned out better. but then that was only because i compromised my other duty as an assistant guide. so discipleship entered. it turned out to be the best thing that happened that day. i was already in the brink of giving up and i already decided that this would be the first and the last time that i would be food comm head and even member. i soooooo don't thrive in moments of pressure. so far, my response in such situations has always been to escape somewhere where there is coffee/cake/yogurt a.k.a. comfort. thank you lord for my discipler! she told me that these things should not make me give up, instead i should learn from them, and most of all, conquer them. pressure handling 101 for someone with pressure allergy.

she also told me that i need a system. that was also what my previous food comm senior was telling me the whole time. actually, it is only now that the full impact of this message has hit me. i heard it then but it got buried in other thoughts.  now that i think about it, yeah, i do need a system in doing things. most of the delays were caused by the stuff which i forgot to buy, by the duties which i did not immediately delegate, by the times when i refused to do anything, and by the things that i overlooked and did not look at. there were resources. i just didn't properly monitor their flow. in real life, these can be paralleled to the way i handle my time, money, people and opportunities. and a lot of if onlys are now popping up.

anyway. dinner came and went. sunday breakfast and finally it was all over. there were still a lot of bloopers which i now charge to experience. but at least i didn't repeat the previous ones. it was all new to me which is good because new things are always good. it means i'm not living a a stagnant life. what i've learned will not stay in the treasure chest. their application will be, as always, properly documented :)

last saturday, kuya ben and ate cha finally moved to the next chapter of their fairytale. the housemates and i, not being there at the wedding, settled with watching a facebook video last night. now i know why God willed not for me to be there. i might faint because of kilig. the sincerity of it all even seeps through the video. anyways, this triggered our search for more wedding videos. surprisingly, all of them are beach weddings. wow, uso. And this one here is my favorite :) actually, i found this in another blog. that's why i lurve blog hopping. i discover so many things. haha. i can't post ate cha and kuya ben's though. someday when i have the source.but for now, here's cat and carlo's. my gulay, i post videos of people i don't even know. haha.

:)

something random

i wanna go to prague! first because i like its sound. haha and second because i like the buildings. but mostly because i want to travel. tired of the same ol' days. definitely doing something new soon. but prague would have to wait. maybe i'll learn cooking first.