wingardium leviosa

just watched harry potter 7.2 with moi familia. harry's adventures finally ended. i hate endings. grr. specially this one. i don't want harry potter to end! i grew up with harry potter. he went to hogwarts at around the same time i entered high school.and somehow, he became a huge part of me. scrap somehow. his adventures became my adventures. to most of my schoolmates, waiting for the school service equates to exchanging the latest gossips. to me, it equates to extra time in the library. thanks to harry, people actually thought i'm studious. my allowance mostly went to the library, as penalty for books returned late. guess what book. haha. i can read harry potter over and over and over and over again that i now consider it one of my special abilities. i dreamed of writing my own novel. i actually started writing/imagining some. who else will i get my inspiration from? the first time i stayed up late was again because of mr. potter. the christmas gift i treasure the most is from my parents, a hardbound copy of harry potter and the sorcerer's stone. i loved being called hermoine even though its because of the bushy hair and not the intelligence. i never missed a harry potter movie. no matter what the reviews say, i loved each and every one of them. and take note, not because of daniel radcliffe. i cried when sirius black died. i cried when dumbledore died. i think i cried every time harry cried. i felt it all, his happiness, his fear, his courage. i was so there that i can pass as their fourth member. ron, hermoine, harry and me. great! i don't want to end up with harry though. harry-ginny pairing is fine with me.

i've tried to think of words to describe how i feel now that it's finally over. but there's just one. i'm sad. don't get me wrong, the movie was good. it's just that there will be no more harry potter 8. i would just have to settle with tales of beatle the bard if i want to get more of JK Rowling. but then i would also finish reading that and then there'd be none. it's the closure that makes me sad. but now that i think about it, it's not about harry's closure. he would always be there. i have the whole collection! except for book 2 that is. it's about my closure. little by little, things that marked my childhood/teenage years/phase-in-everybody's-life-where-they-can-act-irresponsibly are fading away.and as they do, my eyes are being opened to the fact that whether i like it or not, i can't stay in that moment. i am trying hard to shut my eyes again. i don't want to see the reality. but they won't.

now, everything that i do has consequences. i can't anymore afford to be irresponsible because things rebound not only to me but also to the people around me. before i just rely on people. but now they rely on me. i have to make decisions. i don't anymore have any excuse not to. before i was excited to grow old, wanting to take hold of my freedom. now that i have it, i want to return it. even writing about all these is a waste of time because i know, it won't happen. oh well, just trying. some creature from wansapanataym might appear :)) so, this is how it feels to grow old. but still, this is good. it just means that whatever happens, good or bad, will all pass. bad times won't stay, so as good times. might as well move on from the bad times quickly and enjoy the good times to the best that you can. one day, i would be blogging about how sad i am for another closure. so for now, i would grasp whatever is present with both hands as long as i can.

when i was in high school, all i did was complain. i had various of reasons then. my grades, my projects, my friends, my crushes. hahaha. but i got through. at present the reasons have evolved to my thesis, my graduation, my board exam, my career, my future. i will get through. i think that's what's always meant to happen, for us to conquer. so no more complaining, no more discouragements. i would also hold the bad experiences with both hands. they would also have their closures. i might miss them too. and crazy as it may sound now, i might even wish to return to this moment when i'm faced with kids and kids complaining about their own thesis.

going back, i'll miss harry. and everybody else in hogwarts. it was one awesome adventure.