the promised elaboration

what i've gotten myself into is serious business.

dude, it's G12.

Apparently, it's not just gathering 12 people and making them your gang, sticking together through thick and thin. that's touching but that's not it. yes, it's a barkada but the thing is, it's not just a barkada, it's also a team. Barkada = fun. Team = goals. so you get the idea. we don't just chill. we move. G12 is a  movement. without movement, it's not the same thing.

also, G12 is a model. as their leader, you model. you can't just say it. you have to show it.  therefore, there's no way but to really fix your character and your life in general, every single tiny icky little bit of it. they won't learn if you won't. their growth depends on your growth. their depth depends on your depth.  12 people are depending on you. 12 lives are intertwined with yours. now that's something you cannot risk. that's something you can't just play around with.

there's a decision to be made: to continue or not?

i was positioned here. god definitely has a plan. his guy, einstein once said that He does not play with the universe. and i believe he's right. god does not seem to be the type who plays around. for some reason, he wants me here. the only problem now is my free will. do i want his plan? honestly, there are times when i don't want it. it's such a big responsibility. but wisdom tells me otherwise. 

i make the call. my emotions or my future? a lot of times i've exchanged my birthright for a bowl of soup. a lot of times i've heeded my emotions. a lot of times i did not trust his plan. where it got me- six feet under. it really is an obvious answer. i'm just making things complicated. 

i have to make a decision, be firm in it and follow through.